Peter Pan was a Hoe

Wait Wait Wait! Hear me out! I’m not out here to tarnish the beloved image of your dear Peter Pan. Peter was good people. You know, with his reckless childhood regressive mental disorder. Who NEVER wants to grow up?

But think about it. Peter Pan WAS a hoe. Oh, don’t believe me?

Take Never Never Land. A beautiful oasis full of lush green jungle, beautiful clear water, sandy beaches. Everything a woman could want in an picturesque getaway. And Peter Pan took FULL advantage of that. I wonder how many hoes young ladies windows did he knock on (in whatever town that was) late at night? Convincing them to sniff on this power “It’ll make you fly! Think Happy Thoughts“, and he’d take them to paradise? Peter Pan was fucking every woman in that town. His lure? Pixie dust and adventure. Women love adventure.

Wendy was lured to a tropical getaway, under the pretense that this was going to be the romantic trip of her young life, only to be dropped in the middle of Peter Pan’s harem.


Oh. RIGHT. Mermaid #1. Mermaid #2. Mermaid #3, Mermaid #4, Mermaid #5, Tiger Lilly, Tinkerbell and probably countless other young virgins Peter feed to the Penis Gods. Ones that the author managed to miss. Probably because they couldn’t keep up, ran out of ink, paper, patience.

And TINKERBELL. Peter’s Bottom Bitch. FORCED on crusade after crusade after crusade, watching Peter swoon hoe after hoe, when she was in love clamping down on her feelings because she knew Peter wasn’t shit and wouldn’t love her back.

I’m not even taking in the fact that Peter Pan went back after he abandoned Wendy, for some hot new ass. Jane.

Or how later on in life, he decided he wanted to be a man, married Moyra….WENDY’S damn GRANDDAUGHTER of all people.


Little fool thought he could do what he wanted because he looked like a mini Justin Timberlake.

Peter Pan was a HOE.

Selling her a dream AS WE SPEAK.