Stay In Yo Lane

Stay In Yo Lane

The world of movie making is a perilous one. To make a movie that will attract audiences, appeal to the masses and actually sell seats is a hard thing to do. Coming up with a brilliant original idea to commandeer all of this into box office success is also a daunting task. We can tell how pithy the search for originality and freshness is due to the influx of book to film adaptations.

Which is a canny idea, and it works. The proof is in the pudding with the book to film adaptations such as the Lord of The Rings (an sequel of The Hobbit), Twilight and the Harry Potter adaptations. They were successful and as well wildly popular, gaining a following that rivaled the popularity of the books.


There is always a but.

You (and by you we mean Hollywood) are going to have to find a way, and I don’t really care WHAT you find yourself having to do, to leave anime and game adaptations out of this equation. And since it is very unladylike to curse (who am I kidding in the first place), I’ll just speak from the perspective of a extreme anime/gamer fan.

In the vast (I’m being sarcastic) arena of anime/game to film adaptations, few have been anywhere close to hitting the mark nor quenching the thirst of avid fans of both genres with a live action version of their favorite shows. Super Mario Bros The Movie…a wash. Slightly entertaining but as dedicated to the actual plot of The Super Mario Brother’s World as Kim Kardashian is to matrimony.

Luigi and Daisy got together….and Mario dated a prostitute(?) Yoshi was enslaved all of his life, and Toadstool’s name was Toad and he was a douche. Princess Peach? In this movie? Yeah right.

So am I the only one who wakes up to this in the morning, or walks up to random strangers and tell them to “Test Their Might?” No? Just Me. Oh.

Mortal Kombat came as close to plausible as any game/anime adaption while Street Fighter and all the subsequent films related to the film adaptations actually hurt to watch. Like – wince inducing, Jesus is that the dude from Black Eye Peas?, my stomach cramping up, what FUCK am I watching??- pain.

The most monumentos of all failures to date, in my personal opinion, is the total mockery of Dragon Ballz that was created in some distorted reality that my brain has refused to accept as anything other than fanciful imaginary rubbish. As I read people’s reactions in the movies (people PAID to see this bullshit), I’d go
This movie can’t be THAT bad”. But it was, Dear God, it was.

What in the holy fu…ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? *flips table* WTF IS THIS?

This is the most insipid adaptation to date. I’m not exactly sure WHAT James Wong was thinking, but this was such an childlike altered variation fuckfest of what DBZ actually was that I didn’t know what to do with myself. And you can’t convince me to accept a Caucasian Goku, an African American Goku, and Indian Goku…an ANYTHING but Asian Goku. I don’t care if he was an alien and doesn’t have a “race”, I don’t care if Goku lives in an imaginary world and can be whatever race the director picks, I don’t care. He doesn’t even have to BE from an actual Asian country. But his ass better LOOK Asian. Hell. I just re-watched the trailer for kicks and now I wanna kick my own ass.

(if I had to watch it, so do you!)

I thought it may be over. Thinking they learned a lesson from the 9 WHOLE million dollars they made in the U.S. from this film. But No. The lesson was lost because THIS is actually being made….

All Hail

…With Caucasians as the stars. Like the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA isn’t occupied by people of Asian decent.

It’s like, taking a movie made in the middle of Africa and employing Australians to play the characters. Or a Colonial American movie with an African as the Commander in Chief. Why can’t we put Asian actors into the films? I don’t get it. And before you go “Hey Jade, they “LOOK” white. His name is Shotaro Kaneda. What part of the white person name game is that?

All I know is, they are trying to make Akira not make the diehard fans riot and are putting a good effort into it. Plenty of noteworthy directors and actors have thrown their hands into the classic. So it might be decent. But I DID hear they tried to put the Twilight girl Kristen Stewart in there. That girl doesn’t even move her face for 3 whole movies. *blink* Sure. Whatever.

But even if Akira is good, can’t we just LEAVE ANIME/GAME TO FILM ADAPTIONS ALONE?