I started this conversation late night with #BasedLenzy (shoutout to Dr. HipHop ) and it was what spawned the thought about Peter Pan’s hoe ass.

But we’ve got to start thinking of things outside of the crap we were spoonfed as children, and analyze them as adults. Disney, although makers of my favorite movies and defnietly my favorite soundtracks, was full of shit. A bunch of stoners that sat around with pens, color pencils and paper, trying to figure out how to delay the mindfucks they subjected to us as kids. We’d only discover these things as we reached a certain age and then BAM….childhood lost.

Simba was a bitch. In modern times, Snow White would be considered a loose woman, co-habitating with 7 men, unmarried. The Great Prince of the Forest (Bambi’s dad) had to deal with going from weekend visitation rights to taking care of him every day. Think about it. How many Disney characters made it out of the movie with both parents alive? Right. All kinds of craziness was going down. But hear this: verily I say unto you, Disney’s writers were laughing at us THE entire time. I’m laughing too. Sounds like a wicked job to me, mindfucking America’s Youth.

This brings me to ….

Ariel


She looks so innocent, right? Playing with her fishy friends and collecting trash and treating it as treasure. She had every right to be innocent. But, let me ask this? How do Merpeople mate? Do they just rub fins together until the merwoman is pregnant? Is it like most fish, where the woman lays the eggs, and the merman YULES all over them, thus creating fertalized mereggs?

The reason I asked is….well. A vagina was a BRAND new thing for Ariel. Matter fact, they didn’t even call Ariel a merwoman. She was still a mermaid. An untouched maiden of the sea. Not exactly sure what went untouched. I guess it was improper for a merman to get in between them fish fins.



Then she gets her chance, becomes human. With this, she has to learn how to walk, eat, BREATHE like a human. Then she’s handed a vagina. You know how complicated a vagina is? Most women have 12-15 years to get used to it before anybody else is even remotely interested in seeing it. The first 5 years consisting of the opposite sex thinking it has cooties. She had her vagina for, what 5 days tops, before she got married.

Married….HONEYMOON.

Dear GOD could you imagine her wedding night?

Ariel spent a large portion of her life, thinking corkscrews were thingamjigs and forks dinglehoppers. I’m sure she’d never seen a phallus in her life. But oh boy, was her new husband about to show her some thangs.

“You wanna stick your WHAT in my WHAT? What the FUCK is that? Yooo! Back the fuck up, man! What is…. HELL NAH! GET OFF ME!”

I mean Prince Eric was a sailor, he probably learned all KINDS of freaky nasty shit out on the sea, and of course he would want to try them out on his new wife. With her brand new, never been seen, never been touched, vagina..

Wait till you see my dick, aye girl...just wait....

That thang didn’t come with an instruction manual. Ursela knew what she was doing, sending that girl off into this sleezy human world with an intact hymen. A kiss? HA! She knew what Eric was gone want once he saw that ass. The hag.



He probably touched her love below and she probably screamed bloody murder.

Awkward.

He pulled out.