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Bombahead!

So despite this AWESOME intro that was downloaded to my iPod…


I couldn’t tell you WHAT THE FUCK went down in this anime. You know there are animes that have 5011 episodes when it could have probably used…15? And then there are animes that got 20-ish so episodes when it needed FAR FAR FAR MORE?

Tenjou Tenge is one of them. (Yeah Samuari Champloo, I’m looking at yo ass too)

Adapted from a manga that was damn near a porn, Tenjou Tenge was a somewhat popular anime. Hey, it even featured a black guy…with dreads? Daebaek (huge win) right? So, it’s not the fact that its a BAD anime. It’s like they took a complicated but interesting plot and clusterfucked it into a complicated series to understand. I blinked in confusion the entire second half of the anime (which they had the NERVE to call Arcs). But I watched it to completion.

It starts off confusing. Two deliquents (Nagi and Bob) show up at a school, determined to, I guess, whoops everybody’s ass there, therefore proclaiming them the strongest in the school. They make their way through a good 3/4ths of the people before a midget with a bokken gives him the business. This is where we find out that this isn’t an ordinary school, but a school dedicated to all disciples of fighting.

Two sisters, Maya (who is so powerful she has to conserve her ki and walks around most of the anime as a 2 year old child) and Aya (the owner of the Dragon’s Gate, a traditionalist and clingy as shit) are considered two of the strongest in the school. Then there is Masataka, who is the younger brother of Takayanagi, who is the leader of the Executives who also happens to be a former “lover” of Maya, who was the little sister of the FORMER leader of the Executives. Shin….man…okay.



So, then there is a bethrothal, some adultery, random flashbacks that probably would have been more helpful at the BEGINNING, unrequited love, a fight at a bowling alley, politics, family secrets, something about an eyepatch and some kind of demon sword.

So yeah. Watch it. Maybe you can tell ME WTF was going on.

http://www.anilinkz.com/category/tenjou-tenge/

sidenote: Let’s all have a moment of silence for this TERRIBLE cosplay attempt.

Masashi Kishimoto…We Just Gone ACT….

LIKE THIS DIDN’T HAPPEN MAN?!?!??!

Are you fucking kidding me?

Let me back this up.

Do you know who this is?

You see this? This is Hyuga Hinata. Princess of the entire Hyuga clan. A PRINCESS. A muthafuc-*kicks over a trashcan* Princess, okay? Not only is she ROYALTY, but she got curves that would put ANY top notch twerk team Geisha to shame. She’s shy, yes. But beautiful, friendly, intelligent, and powerful. After she finally mastered Gentle Fist, and her Byakugan to good measure, Masashi Kishimoto finally decided to give her a backbone. Do you understand that this painfully shy woman, stood up to PAIN of all people; the man who just destroyed her ENTIRE village, for Naruto sake? Anybody understand that he just wiped out like…5011 people and she was like “Ah Hell Nah! Fuck these other people! He trying kill Naruto? Nah Fuck that, b…” and marched off to confront him?

I MEAN DAMN IT Kishimoto! After she almost…DIES because of it, then she disappears? Naruto is sitting around with a woman’s heart on a platter…and he’s still concerned about that pink haired hussy of a woman?

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY NARUTO AND HINATA SHIP?*


I mean, we had 5011 months of spoilers and you couldn’t fit it in your busy schedule, Kishimoto, to resolve this? There better be like…50 Uzumaki kids with Byakugans and Rasengans all over damn Konaha by the end of this series or I’m going apeshit.

I MEAN IT.

 

 

*ship = relationship. As in I ship Naruto and Hinata. I also ship Sakura and some damn common sense. Neji and Ten Ten. Temari and Shikamaru (HELL YEAH)…wait I’m getting off track….

Making LOOOOOVE FAAACES!!!

You ever wondered what other races have sex to? I’m African American so off top, I already have a wide selection of songs. I mean, hell they should really rename R&B “So, we having sex tonight, right?”. 95 percent of that genre of music about is taking ’em off, making love faces, making love in somebody’s club and then there is Ne-Yo’s “Say It”…ahem.

But I often wonder, what do white people have sex too? Hispanic? Indian? Asian? Korean…..

Well, you know me. You ALREADY know what’s coming next….

Yeah….I know what Korean people are having sex to.


Wait. That’s an EXTREME generalization. I actually don’t know what Koreans are having sex too. I apologize. So I’ll rephrase. If I were Korean, this would be on my “Headboard Bangerz” mixtape.



RIIIIGHT!! So when I say I was ALL in this song, for days pressing repeat, looking crazy like…this isn’t happening. Max (Changmin) and U-Know (Yunho) of DBSK-fame got me on this one. Although the song is about a break-up, you wouldn’t know until you looked up the lyrics. It’s a very sensual sounding song, and then Changmin hit so many “Yeah’s” and “Whoa-Whoas” that you couldn’t tell me this wouldn’t bang in America…(if they were speaking English.)

Hell, even if I WASN’T Korean….I’d have sex to this.

There’s a whole 16 minute mini movie to go with the song. Has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the song, so if you wanna see about three-four gun fights, some tae kwon do (I think) and 16 minutes of badassary, angst, and some matrix type shit…well. Here you go.

So we gone go out like that, huh Tite?

Bleach heads! Where are you? Come hither. We need to talk.

So ya’ll just gone act like when the Arrancar arc ended, you wasn’t mad confused? Bleach has the power and authority of ME, to take as long as possible to explain whatever the hell is going on. I don’t care if it last 1000 episodes. EXPLAIN IN DETAIL what the hell is going on.

Why am I mad?

Because Ulquiorra gone! My nigga dead!

Some say I have an extreme obsession with him. Why the hell not. You see this dude?

Nevermind the fact he looking MAD Zac Effron here…

This is Ulquiorra Cifer. Ulquiorra. Cifer. The baddest arrancar there was! He was intelligent, inquisitive, cruel, and the master of all kinds of baddassary. A black Cero, a lance that could destroy half of Hueco Mundo, the hardest skin in Hueco Mundo, high speed regenerative powers. Had a nasty habit of stabbing people in the heart with his BARE HANDS. A Sonido master. He was so strong, everyone automatically was like “Yeah…he’s gotta be Primera.” And on top of that, he had not one, but TWO releases. B.A.M.F’ing releases at that. I was actually scared of dude. He was so bad ass, he was like “Aizen don’t need to know everything bout me.” And his zanpaktou was named after one of the baddest cars on the planet. Have you SEEN a Mercuialago? Mane.

And you know what Tite did to him? Turned that nigga into dust. Bat dust.


That nigga is BAT DUST now.

Did you know that Ulquiorra Cifer’s death scene was the most watch scene out of ALL of Bleach? Yeah, ya’ll didn’t know that. Why, because at the end, the nigga got a heart. Ulquiorra Cifer was a practitioner of Nihilism; his belief system revolved around actual proof. He didn’t believe in the heart…until the very end, and his proof. The hand….

Hot damn. #weeps.
(sidenote. And the mere fact that they didn’t explore more into UlquiHime, pisses me off. If this show was rated R or something, they woulda shown it. A single human girl surrounded by horny ass Espada? And Ulquiorra had to keep her “company” all day? Mane. That’s makes for some good shit. Luckily there is enough written smut floating around for….oh…nevermind…)

Oh, I forgot. He was a poet. Def Espada Poetry Jam shit.

心在るが故に妬み I envy because of the heart
心在るが故に喰らい I glutton because of the heart
心在るが故に奪い I covet because of the heart
心在るが故に傲り I am prideful because of the heart
心在るが故に惰り（あなどり） I sloth because of the heart
心在るが故に怒り I rage because of the heart
心在るが故に Because of the heart
お前のすべてを欲する I lust for everything about you

*panties dropping*

And we turn him into dust Tite? Dust, mane. Dust?? See, I can’t.

Bring him back. NOW. Make it work. I don’t care. Give him his own series. I don’t care. Bringhimback.

And where is this negro? I know he ain’t dead….