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Random thoughts, rants, editorials, anime, miscellaneous bullshit and everything else under the sun.

Girls Kick Ass, Too.

My intro into this piece? Girls can kick ass too. There isn’t anything much to be said. I COULD wax poetic about how anime is a male driven world blah blah blah, but there are too many women in the Anime world that are out there whooping ass and not taking names because they don’t give a damn. AND you can find these females outside of the Shoujo world (although some in there HAVE to be mentioned because they were darker/powerful than the series gave them credit for-had enough time to expound on-too complex to drabble about.

Tomoe Hotaru ( Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon)


Quiet girls can be deadly. Hotaru was a young girl, daughter Souichi, a scientist who through his experiments ends up killing his wife and critically injuring his daughter. Through a deal with the devil (read Pharaoh 90) he saves her life, although forfeiting the good left in him. Now let’s talk about why Hotaru is a badass. First she carries around a weapon. The other sensei have “weapons” too, but she carried a 9 foot long staff with a Glaive at the end. She uses this to perform one of the DEADLIEST attacks in the entire Sailor Moon universe. Silence Glaive Surprise. Kills everybody. It can DESTROY A PLANET. Second…wait. We don’t need any more reasons.

Lina Inverse (Slayers)


She pretty damn fearless. She’s known to take on sorcerers’ and demons, monsters and wizards. I don’t think she cares as long as she wins. After watching, the only thing I believe Lina to be afraid of, is her older sister. I mean, she has nicknames like Bandit Killer, The Enemy of All Who Lived. What kinda badass nickname is that? She is easily one of the most powerful sorceresses in her country and has one of the highest magical capacities in the Slayers universe. Go head girl.

Saber – Arturia Pendragon- (Fate/Stay Night)


Again, with the quiet reserved girls. You know how they say a quiet girl is a freak in the bedroom. Well quiet girls like Saber, are a freak with magic. Under the tutelage of Merlin, she is known as the welder of The Element of the Red Dragon, which grants her powers above normal magic users. When her abnormal amount of magic eats away at her energy, she’ll use Excalibur (yeah, she owns, welds, and kicks ASS with Excalibur). Even in her death she manages to be fully in command of her powers and duties, making sure she would still be allowed to obtain the Holy Grail. Even. In. Death.

Revy (Black Lagoon)


There is always one person you run across that generally doesn’t give a damn about human life. As we jump out of the Shojo world and into Revy’s Black Lagoon universe, we see that she is that person. She’s practically been a murder all her life, and now as an adult she is a pirate/mercenary for hire. She has a foul mouth and an even fouler temper. She kills at will and generally will do so without caring about the consequences. Not much is known about her past, but in every episode of Black Lagoon, look for Revy to be the main one busting caps in asses.

Chi Chi (Dragon Ball)


Being the mother of one of the strongest men in the universe, and the mother of two children that take after their father in strength, you have to guess that Chi Chi would just sit back and let the men in her life take care of her? Wrong. Chi Chi is considered one of the strongest women in her world, and can definitely hold her own. Outside of her prowess as a fighter, she has one of THE meanest anger fit in the world. She can actually power up in anger. I’ve seen it.

Temari (Naruto)


I liked Temari from jump. Why? Because she was the first strong female character that didn’t really give a damn about anything but her family and her goals. She was raised in a land where training and strength was everything (like the Blood Mist but NOT like the Blood Mist if you get me.) She was the daughter of a Jinchūriki and the Kazekage. Everything about Temari’s profile exudes strength and she meets the expectations every time. She was THIS close to beating Shikamaru in the Chūnin exams (who we know is just a badass in his own right. I can’t…), is strong enough to carry around a HUGE iron can that she welds as if it were made of paper, and she’s bright and analytic…(Like Shikamaru which is why they are going to get married. I called it.) Although many other strong female characters will show their faces in Naruto, Temari did it without hesitation from her first introduction.

Kuchiki Rukia (Bleach)


Powerful things come in small packages. That is especially true for the diminutive Shinigami, Kuchiki Rukia. Let me list off Rukia’s awesome points. 1.) She is the sole reason that Ichigo became a Shinigami (removing the Aizen manipulation factor. Because she still didn’t have to do what she did, despite of.) 2. She did it knowing that it was a crime punishable by death. 3. She was strong enough spiritually to hold the Hōgyoku inside of her body. 4. Even in Gigai form she is able to take Ichigo down with one kick to the face. 5. Her Zanpaktou, Sode no Shirayuki, is easily one of the coldest around, her shikai is three levels of kickass (ESPECIALLY Tsugi No Mai, Hachure. I get SO EXCITED when I see her piercing the ground.) 6. She’s a female Lieutenant. 7. She took on an Arrancar. BY. HER. SELF. One that looked like her long lost crushlove. 8. Having to deal with her older brother’s sense of where she should be as a Shinigami must take a lot of dexterity. 9. And AGAIN she is the one that restores Shinigami powers back to Ichigo (with help but still…) and 10. She’s Rukia.

Uzimaki Kushina (Naruto)


You don’t a lot of women that walk into class on their first day and declare that they will be the first female Hokage. Kushina did, and I believe she meant it. And being the only female Jinchūriki that we learn about intimately (other than Gaara’s mother) we instantly admire her strength as a human. Kushina’s true strength comes from her being a mother (very much like Gaara’s Mother). Through a painful and frightening childbirth, Kushina managed to keep the seal for the Kyuubi intact for the most part. Even after the extraction of the Kyuubi, Kushina drew the strength to use her chakra to hold off the released (which she knew would kill her) and then she volunteered to take the Nine Tails to death with her. THEN she bodily protected her child (along with her husband Minato), saving his life before dying.

Tsukino Usagi (Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon)

Right before she dies…again

Sailor Moon is as about cutesy as you can get (if you ignore the damn near pornographic images Takeuchi Naoko like to throw in there every so often) But behind Usagi’s clumsiness and love of food, stood a woman who repeatedly sacrificed her life for the good of the world. I’m not kidding, Usagi almost died like in every season (6 times to be exact). But she took down the bad guy with her every single time. She continually sacrificed her life, usually at the end because that’s how these Shoujo series go, by using the Ginzuishou at full power. She even stops a meteor from causing all kinds of apocalyptic mayhem on earth in the movie, using the Power of the Ginzuishou to the point that it shatters. The strength in Usagi lies in love, of course, but her power of reincarnation. Her final incarnation is Sailor Cosmos who is in charge of the ENTIRE universe. Go Bunny!

Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck (Bleach)

I have this up in my house o.o

I have an ungodly obsession with the Espada. It was the most creative thing Tite did, and I thank AnimeBasedGods every day for the arc. The most interesting of the Arrancar (outside of Ulquiorra’s reign of fucking awesomeness) was the story of the first female Espada. Ranking at three was pretty high up there, which automatically meant she was supremely powerful. So powerful that one a regular basis, she’d take Norita to the desert just to kick off in his ass. Even when she was reverted back to her childlike state, she managed to out power those around here, eating Dordoni’s cero like it was candy and spitting it back at him. After being challenged by Nnoitra again, she temporarily reverts back to her normal form as an adult and then again kicks off in Nnoitra’s ass. Ninja like mid air spin attacks, a Cero Doble, and then she hits him with her Ressurecion form. For a woman turned child wandering the desert for how long, there is no telling how strong she’d be in she continued to train.

Die Like A Samurai

Quentin Tarantino is a director to be praised. One for not really caring for anything other than his vision and seeing that his vision is executed to perfection (much to the happiness of Tarantino-fanatics everywhere), there is no surprise, no wonderment, no pause in mentioning and hailing him as one of the premier and most talented filmmakers of our generation. With movies under his belt such as Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction and Death Proof, Quentin has proven that not only can he put together an insightful cinematic masterpiece, he can do it with lots of blood, kung-fu and general kickass-ness.

Which leads me to my personal favorite of Mr. Tarantino; the infamous Kill Bill.


Anyone who knows me personally knows that I’m a fanatic of this film; I’ve inhaled all the facts and intricacies that most people bypass, even going as far as regular heated debates, and once a drinking game that almost finished in a fist-fight over who would win the brawl of revenge between Nikki and B.B. (I chose Nikki, just for that vengeance you could see in her eyes.)

The most heated of all debates I continue to participate in (and will continue until I’m of an old ripe wrinkly age) is who I believe should have had more attention in these movies. Ultimately, it would require some rewriting on Tarantino’s part, but I’m of sound mind and good insight, and I’m sure this would be a positive move in the right direction of infamy for this movie.


The movie stars Beatrix Kiddo, scorned lover and attempted murder victim.


Now don’t get me wrong. The Massacre at Two Pines really was tragic, her story was sad. The people she trusted turned on her, attempting to kill her and the child she carried. The fact that the outcome was an indefinite coma, where she loses four years of her life, subject to countless acts of rape, AND they took her child…well that would piss me off too. And I’m not saying that she didn’t have a right for revenge. She had EVERY right. But this isn’t about rights, this is about entertainment.

I, for one, always questioned two things in this angsty Kill Bill universe. All surrounding my personal favorite and villainous hero, O-Ren Ishii.


Since this movie has a way of baptizing villains in a light of positivity, if we compare Beatrix to O-Ren, we’d have a tilt in whose story actually was more entertaining. Quentin gives us no REAL back-story on The Bride before her joining the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad. We know nothing about her parents, her childhood, her adulthood, why she joined the Viper Squad, why is she an assasin. And although mentioned before that Beatrix story was woeful, when the credits are rolling, she’s experienced a happy ending. The people that died in the chapel? She’d known them for mere months. The man she was going to marry? A diversion from her REAL love story with Bill.


Beatrix knew what kind of life she lived BEFORE she was pregnant and therefore by having sex and knowing what kind of man she was having sex with (Bill, you sex god, you), knew she ran the risk of pregnancy and being saddled with a megalomaniac as a mate. So, why didn’t she have a contingency plan? Why did she think running off would be a brilliant idea?

Did she not KNOW the company she kept?


So in all, although tragic, her fate was actually an ironic one and not a surprising tale of turncoats coming to kill her. She fled a group of the most deadly assassins in the world, carrying the seed of one in her womb. Betrayal begets Betrayal that surmounts to the Massacre at Two Pines. At some point you have to stop and go, “Well, yeah…” (I’m starting to believe the reason her name was Kiddo was that because although calculating, she was not very bright)

O-Ren Ishii on the other hand, we know EVERYTHING about her. Her family, killed at the hands of a violent Yukuza boss for reasons she probably couldn’t comprehend and never understand. And not only were they killed, but they were killed in front of her. Nobody will forget the scene of O-Ren watching her own mother’s blood drip from the mattress above her, or her attempting to save her own life.


This wasn’t a choice she made, it was a choice made for her. Now we take, eleven year old O-Ren as she meticulously plans the execution of the man who caused her parents death, using her own body as bait. She disembowels, tortures and then has him killed. All of this as a preteen.


Less than 10 years later, O-Ren is hailed as one of the top assassins in the WORLD.


Her childhood already is more interesting than the whole Kill Bill Franchise, especially the hailed “hero” of the movie. The most Quentin could have done after giving us such an insightful look into one of the most BADASS female character we’ve ever met, would have been at the very LEAST to give us more. The Biography of Cottonmouth, I would have bought the SHIT outta the book/movie. But instead we are given a Kill Bill 2, which although entertaining, lacked the attractiveness that Kill Bill Vol 1. did. (Because you can’t top The Bride taking out an entire Yakuza army with actual PLOT, Quentin.)

This leads me to my next point. If we ARE going to focus on the Bride’s Story (after all the name of the movie was Kill Bill), and if we are going to have a sequel, (hopefully a trilogy, I prayed to Based God about it last week) it would have been paramount to think of the grand scope of things. The movie, just with Quentin’s name attached to it, was enough for people to be entertained and come back for more, no matter how non-linear the timeline was. Killing off the Deaddly Viper Assassin Squad in order of entertainment instead of ease of kill, would have made for a better series.



In that vein, Elle Driver would have died (or lost and eye, whatEVER was her fate) first, because we could all feel the hate, contempt and lust for betrayal oozing off of her and we know Beatrix felt it too. Next Vernita (because face it, outside of the whole Nikki ordeal, Vernita’s story was the driest), Bud (shrugs, sure)…THEN O-Ren.


The fact that Kill Bill Vol 2. ended in a sappy mess of closure and ancient hand techniques (that apparently was Tarantino’s ode to Westerns —the walk off then die finish) left us with a climax of this movie that was well, anti-climatic. The waves of unabashed-inhibited-fanatic-excitement and endearment we felt about the Showdown at the House of Blue Leaves would have been a perfect action based precursor for that emotional ending.



O-Ren was the perfect villain. Outside of her childhood, and her involvement with the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad, she rose above racial and sexual discrimination to become THE Bosses of ALL bosses in the Japanese Yakuza. That may not seem very monumental to you, but if you know any…. ANY history of the gokudō (we talking fuckers who have an OFFICE with a sign that clearly states “We are the fucking Yakuza” on it and DARE the police to come and knock), you know that they are no joke, and the amount of pure intelligence, indomitable bravery and BALLS it takes to have any kind of standing in them is a feat that deserves tribute.


And to do that being a woman (in a death society ruled by men) and a (by their standards) half breed that wasn’t even a child born in their country, can you IMAGINE what she had to do to get there? She was intelligent, ruthless (that’s gotta be an understatement), skilled and in charge.


She led an entire army of killers and her First Sword was a psychotic sociopath, who rather run you through with a sword, than have sex with you. (I’ll write a rant later to express the frustration of how The Bride managed…JUST MANAGED to escape Death by Go-Go Yobari, because it was extreme luck.)


And even with all of THIS, Quentin technically has O-Ren killed off first. The only thing that saved The Bride’s life….was that damn sword. Damn you Hanzo. Damn you.



I leave you with O-Ren’s most imfamous scenes, filled with such badassness that I had to nod proudly before posting it.

Three Reasons Why Disney Ain’t Shit

The Walt Disney company is a megalomaniacs dream come true. They’ve managed to corner the market on kid’s dreams. Movies, theme parks, toys and even cereal. There is nothing that this company can’t do and won’t do. And I meant that in the literal sense. Because despite the magically innocent image that Disney portrays, they are as wholesome as a gang of teenage boys with nothing to do on a Friday night. Disney films are packed with racism, sexism, stupidisms and unnecessary-isms that apparently we thrive off of for entertainment to this day.

Racism and Sexism


There is no surprise with the first one, if you REALLY think about it. The Walt Disney Company was founded in the early 1920’s. Not a year you’d expect Walt and the crew to go against (I’m pretty sure it was the norm during that era) racial and sexist propaganda and slander in to the mouths of young babes. Racist and racial thinkings aren’t BORN you silly goose, they’re learned. The sly thing about Walt and ‘nem was the racial bigotry presented was enough to catch your attention in this anti-racism modern culture but subtle enough to pass for good laughs on the editing room floor, theaters and most conveniently your living room.

One of the most BLARINGLY, what the hell were they thinking, is this REAL what I’m watching episodes of Uncle Walt’s tactful “look and point, they’re different” examples is Walt Disney’s Fantasia. It’s a wonderful movie; beautifully drawn and composed, a story without words, really.

The scene opens up with beautiful, ultra feminine, scantily clad (and by scantily I mean nude) centaurs of all complexions ( by complexions I mean white). Looks to be another chapter of mystical and mythical wonders created by the Disney company. Until we hit the :10 mark. WHO THE HELL IS THAT?



She looks absolutely in heaven shinning that horse-hoe’s feet.

There’s not much to say, but I didn’t think there would be a need for a black pickaninny hoof polishing centaur-maid when you’ve got cherubs going around cheerfully completing those mundane task.

The Indians in Peter Pan, *facepalm*.



Aladdin; this speaks more to cultural insensitivity rather than racism, seeing as we were on our way to having a wonderfully multicultural giglefest at Disney when this film was created. The lead female role, was strong and wise and who can’t help but love Jasmine? But I can’t remember a time in Arabic history where a woman, royalty or commoner, was allowed to prance around like some woman out of a harem.


That is one insulting blow to the Arabic culture AND women, Disney. She’s strong, she’s smart, powerful and rich, resourceful….but she dresses like a slut. Good job.

Hidden Sexual Messages



This isn’t so much as a BAD thing. If I were a parent, I’d be PISSED, but seeing as a I’m still a vamp 20-something youth (cough) I giggled my little ass off about these things. The sexual subliminal messages.

The most notable, other than that lame Lion King spelling sex with some poppyseeds or whatever the hell, dandylions…something, would be the phallic center of Ariel’s kingdom. As mentioned in , Mermen probably don’t have penises, so the fact that Walt’s gang decided that a penis belong on top of Ariel’s home is rather…funny.


In the same movie, when Vanessa (Ursula) and the brainwashed Prince are about to get married (don’t tell me you ain’t think Ursula was gonna take him home and tap that ass before destroying the MerKingdom) we get to see this WONDERFUL image of the priest salivating over Vanessa’s body.


(You shoulda showed that boner to Ariel so she wouldn’t have the SHIT scared outta her on her wedding night.)

Dear LORD I didn’t know this existed until someone told me to google. We’ve all seen Who Frame Roger Rabbit right? (shoots the guy in the back with the blank expression). Right. I’ve seen it a million times, (I learned my little sexy strut from a Mrs Rabbit by the way). Did anybody ever notice the scene where they’re fleeing via cartoon taxi (mistake, duh), ole boy with the google eyes throws the ooze, they hit a lamppost part? Did you know it supposedly has a two second upskirt shot…and Mrs. Rabbit doesn’t like to wear underwear? Gasp! Le Gasp!


Not like it ruin my childhood, Jessica spent the better half (and by half, I mean all) of the movie damn near naked. So this goes to show the only thing keeping her from showing ALL her goodies to the world was a vamp, sequenced TINY slip of fabric she called a dress 🙂

Sequels Shitfest



Although not as radical as the others, this one actually makes me the angriest.
Thus I don my hopping mad Jade talk. I decided to write Disney an open letter, from the heart. Written by me, narrated and edited by Samuel L. Jackson.


Dear Disney,
Ahem.

WHO in the hell is in charge of the SEQUELS round that bitch? I can take ya’ll being racist and shitty as fuck, but you ain’t gone ruin The Little Mermaid in THIS house. Who the fuck told ya’ll to give us insight on Ariel and Eric’s lives. We were fine knowing the two were off somewhere having painful, scary, mermaid virgin sex. We ain’t need to know about her caterpillar eyebrowed daughter and her stupid, yet predictable plot reversal need to jump in the damn ocean. We ain’t care about Ursula’s skinny ass sister either. Where was she when Ursula was tryna take over the ocean anyways. Sit yo ass down somewhere, Morgana.


And another thing Disney. Not one, but TWO unnecessary Aladdin sequels. Although Aladdin Daddy was fine, that didn’t distract me (yes it did, I’m lying).



Let them two brown fools get MARRIED already! I don’t wanna see em court. I don’t wanna see em fight and break up. I don’t care about family angst and relationship woos. And DisneyStraightToDVDBasedGod ain’t DIE for ya’ll to let me hear a Genie that don’t sound like Robin Williams. Fuck outta here!

One mo thing, muthafuckah. There ain’t NO COUNTRY for Lion King 2. I know you guys have a penchant for throwing Shakespeare around like you’ve got the royalties to it, but nobody trying see this wack ass Romeo Must Die version of The Lion King. AIN’T THE LIONS GONE THROUGH ENOUGH WALT? Now you wanna pit them against EACH OTHER? Fuck. Let Kovu and Kiara-whats-her face smash. It’s bad enough you was a BITCH as a kid Simba, now you wanna be a bitch ass daddy too? It’s because you had two black parents and you white as a the driven snow, isn’t it? Or is it because they kidnapped you from Japan, changed your name, painted you gold and THEN told you you was black?


Nala shoulda lion-bitchslapped you. Go get some lion-help somewhere Simba. You angsting up the Pridelands with your regressed sadness and misplaced anger. I’m kidding Simba. I love you.



Before I go. Lady and the Tramp Two? A Goofy Movie ….TWO? The HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME TWO? CINDERALLA TWO!?!

*goes to pop the trunk*

You stay here. I’ll be RIGHT back.

You lucky when I found out about Ferngully 2 , that you weren’t responsible for it. REAL LUCKY.

Anime Spotlight: Openings

Although a good anime opening, or closing for that matter, doesn’t make the anime, if it is your first time watching, the quality of the opening is equilvelant to the cover of the book. Can’t judge it, but the better that shit is, the more likely you’re going to sit through that episode.

As many anime as I’ve had the pleasure of watching, only a few will make it off my screen and into my iPod. The fine line of great opening animation, the actual music, and the amount of anticipation it gives for the upcoming arc usually how I rate if it’s a good opening or not. Of course, I have my personal prefrences, because if I could I’d put the entire Bleach and Naruto soundtrack up here as well (they were all good ass openings), but I won’t.

Here’s a list of a few openings and their artist. (in no particular order).

Bleach – High and Mighty Color “Ichirin No Hana”
When I first got into Bleach, Asterick, the first opening song was pretty good, as far as first openings go, but when we got to Ichirin No Hana, that led into one of the most solid and entertaining arcs that Bleach had to offer, they did an awesome job building the excitement, and did it with a pretty dope song.



Naruto- “Haruka Katana” Asian Kung Fu Generation
So, we’ve gotten past the sappy, “we’re giving you these episodes to bond Naruto and Sasuke for the HOURS and HOURS of friendship angst you’re about to watch” episodes. And now we’re at the Chunin Exams. This opening did two things. Got you ready for some apparently great matchups and fighting, and then scared the hell outta you with Gaara. It also help introduce the Konoha 10. Plus the song is badass, pretty much anything Asian Kung Fu Generation touches, is badass.


You don’t know this opening, then I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t need to construct any kind of synopsis or reasoning I put this up here.


Cowboy Bebop The Seatbelts “Tank!”


EASILY my favorite opening yet, the animation and the music, completely encompass everything that Champloo is, Shinichirō Watanabe flawless crafted effort to combine historical martial arts, a compelling story and best of all, and urban style hip-hop centered soundtrack. Dead Poetics are dope.



Samuari Champloo Dead Poetic “Battlecry”



The popular anime D.Gray Man boasted some pretty spec’tac opening music too. I was already hooked on the show after the first opening performed by J-Rock legend led Abbington School Boy’s “Innocent Sorrow”, but then we get to this one, and I smoothly started loading their songs onto my iPod.



D.Gray Man- Doubt & Trust “Access”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhat8dj0J2s

You can’t talk about Anime openings without mentioning the one that girls young and old can sing (the English version I have to add) on cue. All you have to do is play the first three cords and you’ve got a sing-a-long. Most of the opening songs for Sailor Moon were cheesy, filled with glitter, flowers, and in one season, unicorns, but they are timeless classics that never fail to excite you about the mystical world and adventures of it’s stars.



Sailor Moon “Moonlight Densetsu” DALI


I don’t know how many people have seen this anime, it was pretty decent. Lot of gunplay with a blending of mercenary action and baddassay. The opening let’s you know this isn’t your ordinary magical anime. Somebody is gonna get shot. A lot of people are going to get shot.



Black Lagoon Mell “Red Fraction”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2E3-BqG8aJQ

Most of the songs for Rorouni Kenshin were lighthearted, probably in light of Kenshin’s aloof and merry nature. They do a good job of hinting at the darker being within him, but overall, poppy happy tunes. Leading into the Makoto arc, we get 1/2, that similar to Bleach’s “Ichirin No Hana”, we get a blitz of character introductions. Makoto Kawamoto’s chipper voice adds to the cute and addicting.


Rouruni Kenshin” ½” by Makoto Kawamoto
As mentioned before, if I could put every Naruto song on here, I would, and then you all wouldn’t like me anymore. But if there were going to pick a way to welcome back Naruto after his two year hiatus and us fans anticipating the second season of Naruto, Nobody Knows’s Hero’s Comeback and the apparently crisper looking animation worked.


Naruto- Hero’s Come Back Nobody Knows – “Hero’s ComeBack”

Since I’m an 80’s baby, I do well when I hear a synthesizer. Like it wakes me up and makes me want to do an air guitar solo. Every Little Thing’s Grip does that to me. Inuyasha’s third opening which introduces the Seven (Hey there, Bankotsu ^_^) where the crew go up against their first set of human (although undead humans) and the supercharged musical opening reminds you of a fairy warrior going into battle…or something.



Inuyasha Every Little Thing “Grip”