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Random thoughts, rants, editorials, anime, miscellaneous bullshit and everything else under the sun.

One in the Stink: The Hoe Was Pink

You knew what time it was when you hopped outta bed on Saturday morning, turn the TV, and heard…

“IT’S MORPHIN TIME!”


Yeeeeeeeeeeeeah bitches! The Power Rangers! A collective staple in our childhood where we would hop around like ninjas, kicking chairs, tables, siblings, all in the name of Good and defeating Rita Repulsa right?

I remember it well. I was always the Yellow Ranger, my brother the Black Ranger (cuz he’s a thug, my brother), my neighbor the Red, and my cousin the Blue.


But….who was gonna be the Pink Ranger? NOBODY wanted to be the Pink Ranger. We were flipping coins, taking pain test, blackmailing, running foot races, all in hopes of never being elected the Pink Ranger.


Why?

She was the most useless, asinine, insipid character ever created. The PINK Ranger. Hmph!

Let me take this back, to give you a broader scope. The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers was a show that was drafted for American audiences and derived from the wildly popular Japanese show Super Sentai (taking plot and footage and inserting it into the show). Same premise basically, martial art expert teenagers that welded the ability to “morph” into first spandex clad warriors and then into mecha like animals to save the day (after the protagonist grew to a size that required extra large machines to win.)

The problem with the Pink Ranger isn’t her battle prowess. Both in Super Sentai (and the 5011 different factions of Super Sentai) and The Power Rangers, The Pink Ranger proved herself somewhat useful; the bow and arrow useful in long rang attacks. Her martial arts was pretty decent too.

DECENT.


It was Kimberly/Amy Jo Hart, who was the problem.

Flipping all over the damn place with her forever wearing pink tooted up ass, and being practically useless if she wasn’t in her Power Ranger gear. If she wasn’t getting her ass handed to her by the Putties, or Trini/Aisha showing Kimberly who the REAL boss bitch was, she was crying for either Jason or Tommy; whichever of the simp asses could answer her weak feminine pleas first. She was either spending her time being grossed out, crying out “Ew” or “That’s Gross” or “I can’t believe this is happening” like the frail hearted woman she was, or completely freaking out. In the Mighty Morphin Movie, I think she called out to Tommy….Jason….whichever it was at least 12 times whilst being chased by the enemy.

YOU’RE A NINJA BITCH! FIGHT!

What exactly is her point? The Yellow Ranger provides sass and reasonability, the Blue the brain of the group, the Black Ranger….apparently comic relief, while the Red and White/Green ranger fought for the Alpha male position in the group. Kimberly provides….flexibility? What do Pterodactyl do when morphin? Kick up dust?



And back to this Tommy/Jason love triangle the little harlot created. Watch the episodes before Tommy showed up. She was often seen using The Red Ranger as her shield-flirt/fuck buddy-. Shy glances and blushes when he’d put his hand on her shoulder. And then this bipolar Green negro shows up, and just like that ….”Tommy Who?” That’s probably why Jason was so gun-ho to take the Green Ranger out. The allure of the pink had them literally about to kill each other. Pink Hoes before Bros apparently.



Am I reaching? Probably. Do I care? No. I spent enough of my childhood watching a woman single-handily destroy the cute wispy color that could have been transformed into something powerful for girls, but yet we gotta watch the Pink Ranger tip tap all around Angle Grove, while they’re trading out the Yellow Ranger like she’s last years Jays. Rita Repulsa should have taken her out Episode one. Gokai Pink woulda slapped the shit outta Kimberly.

The below video is WILDLY inappropriate and completely disrespectful to the Pink Ranger franchise. For that, I lowkey apologize as I laugh and hit replay.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss2cztn5Z0E

*throws down some ninja dust and escapes out of the room*

Hitokiri

Like swords?
I do.
Like history?
Why, yes. Yes I do.
Like long ass sword techniques that take a practiced tongue to recite?
YES! YES! I DO!

Well I’ve got something for you. Not only is this a classic, but it’s a BAMF (Bad Ass Muthafucking) Classic at that.


Aww isn’t he cute? This is Kenshin, our peace loving, “Oro” reciting, roaming samurai. He’s precious. Looks like a woman, washes and cooks like a woman, is broke beyond imagine, has no home, clumsy, looks 10 years younger than he actually is, and most of all, hates violence.

Which is strange because…


This is who Kenshin really is. Well, part of who he is. He really is both.


Let me back up, and explain this correctly. Himura Kenshin (formally Shinta) picked up a nickname during the Bakumatsu, an era in a Japan’s history, which was a particularly violent one. The nickname being Hitokiri Battousai. Hitoriki meaning assassin, and Battousai meaning someone who is really good at drawing a sword. The reason he picked this nickname up was during this violent era in Japanese history, Himaru Kenshin was a fear-inducing, lethal and very deadly assassin for the Tokugawa Shogunate. After killing just about everybody that opposed him and those who hired him, Kenshin goes off to the countryside with a woman who became his wife to help in the concealing of their identities. In what appeared to be an assassin attempt ON the assassin he ends up….

Well, I won’t spoil it for you.

All I can tell you is, that because of what happened as his time as an assassin, Kenshin decides that all of the killing he did in the name of justice made him an unworthy person and spent 10 years wandering hoping to find ways to redeem himself for his sins. This is mainly revolved around one killing in particular. He threw down his sword and took up a reverse blade sword, vowing to never kill again. This was all in attempt to hide and hopefully destroy Kenshin’s true nature (Which is a bloodthirsty killing machine). In his journey he happens across a young woman named Kaoru, who in befriending her starts his current adventures that are depicted in this anime/manga.


The awesome thing about this anime is how it ties in historical fact and
its violence and political struggles, with comedy, love and virtues. Kenshin has to deduce how to keep his vow of not killing, while at the same time trying to save Japan from threats of his past.

There are a lot of people out there with VERY huge grudges against him and the current government (that he had a hand in creating) and they lead him, Kaoru and the rest of the cast through some very trying situations.


Still even with 10 years of wandering, Kenshin manages to still be a very skilled swordsman, and even if made angry enough, he’s known for reverting back to his Battosai personality. (Which is apparently tenfold the swordsman that Kenshin is.)


Ama Kakeru Ryu no Hirameki

The villains in this story are pretty wicked too. These aren’t your typical, sit back and methodically construct ways to destroy the “good world” type villains. These villains have very true and mainly reasonable grounds for the things they do. Such as Shishio (who is just one of the coolest villains ever IMO) who took over Kenshin’s position after he retired, but was betrayed by the same government he helped, when they tried to burn him to death (as you can tell, it didn’t work). Or there is Enishi who is related to Kenshin’s wife, and the revenge he takes out on Kenshin provides this story with enough emotional angst to bash your head in. (I cried, twice. Sue me)
Or Soujiro….. who as just fucked up.

Another thing, outside of Kenshin’s constant battle to keep himself in check, is the female lead. Kaoru was completely UNuseless in this anime. She fought, for everything she believed in from episode one to the final chapter. She showed strength time and time again, even when a young woman like her should have crumbled. From raising and providing for herself at such a young age, to providing for a house full of warriors, to protecting Kenshin when she could, to fighting for love. I loved Kaoru.


It’s a very good dramatic story, easily called a classic when they mention anime/mangas. If not for the storyline, at least for the swordfights.



Kenshin vs Saito



Kenshin vs Soujiro

This is one story that you can read over and over again, because it’s well written and drawn beautifully. It ties in reality with plenty of lore and LOTS of sword technique and style. It’s good. Watch/Read it. Now.

Note: Oh. And if you start watching this, DON’T watch the second OVA. It will piss you off.

Itachi: The Real Hero of Naruto?

Throughout our time as rabid avid fans of Naruto, for the better part of the first half, collectively we hated a few characters.


Oorichamaru, obviously for being the main antagonist for most of the series, as well as his “I simply don’t give a fuck about the rules” mentality. Well, we kind of adored him for that, but that’s neither here nor there.


Gaara, well anybody that was from the Village of the Sand because we were “led” to believe they were the niching of evil in this world (while obscurely ignoring that the Blood Mist HAD to be hell on Earth)

Aaaand Itachi.


Our hate for Itachi was well justified, as we were fed the story over and over and over (ad naseum) that Itachi obliterated his entire clan for the sake of….well for a while we didn’t know exactly why. We just know that were to frown on the name Itachi, for ruining Sauske’s life and bringing an end to the illustrious Uchiha clan.

(Spoiler Warning: For those who just started Naruto or are watching/reading at a snails pace, just stop here)

So how much of THIS was a mind fuck?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsYpH3hK0r8

If you didn’t WEEP for Itachi and Sauske after this, you have no heart.



To find out that not only had Itachi surrendered his life for the village of Konoha, but for the sake of his clan (who on the brink of starting a war, was about to bring dishonor to the name Uchiha), had to pit his own love for them against his honor.



How skilled of a nin did Itachi have to be to fool not only his family, his lover, his clansmen, AND the entire village of Konoha, that only four people in this entire world would know the truth about what happened that night?

How brave was Itachi to take that entire burden on himself, leaving the only person connecting him to this deed, to be the only who charged to kill him and return honor to the clan?

Uchiha mothafucking Itachi. *slow clap, standing O*

But there is more to Itachi than just him successfully completing what the elders and Hokage elected him to do. If you look deeper, you can see the levels of Itachi’s heroism is the source of energy for Naruto’s plot.

The Naruto we know would not exist if not for Itachi. At the deepest levels of Naruto, friendship is the cornerstone. We are witnessing the angst-filled battle of Naruto to keep Sasuke as his friend. All of his other hopes and dreams are typical of any other nin, they don’t make him nor this series any different from any other show. His overwhelming desire to keep Sasuke as his friend, though, and mission to redeem him as a nin, is what drives this series. But why does Naruto need to save Sasuke?


As a child, Sasuke wasn’t cold and indifferent, he was driven and jovial (in his own special way). Eventually he would have surpassed his brother, or atleast been a very intelligent and sought after nin. But in relation to his connection with Naruto, the dynamics of loneliness would not have been the same, thus no need for Naruto to cling to Sasuke.


Sure the hunt for Jinchuriki would have not stopped, but the dynamics, purpose and equilibrium would have shifted. Everything would be different. Everything.

With his ever present influence on the past, we even find that Itachi’s ability to plan far far into the future is evident. He is even protecting Konoha and Sasuke in his death. (The Damn Crow).



Itachi was methodical, intelligent, talented and most all, he was selfless. Not once in this entire series have we seen Itachi do one thing in honor of himself. Everything has been for his clan, his village, and his family. For all we know, Itachi could have been named Hokage, as we know he was VERY good at his job. Hell, at this point, carve him into the damn wall. DO IT.



Don’t ask me where I got this photo.

Before you change the channel

If you follow me on Twitter, generally towards the end of the night, you’ll probably catch me hooping and hollering about one thing or another. It’s usually another. For a particular reason. During these sessions where I’m yelling out nonsense to my very lost timeline, I’m watching “TV”. TV in the sense where I’m streaming shows from my internet.





Now what about these television shows that make me lose my mind every night? Well they are drenched in melodramatics, so cheesy that the only thing you can do (after you’ve adapted to the cheesiness) is YELL AT YOUR TV. Why one character does this, why the other character doesn’t see that this one loves her, why he can’t see that his DAMN FATHER, and why he won’t let go of the past. There are a million of these dramas that like I said, once you’ve adapted, you find are DAMNED good.

What are they?



KOREAN/JAPANESE/CHINESE DRAMAS

I know I know! First off, this would probably only appeal to a person who is a sub-head. Generally those are anime watchers who have learned to both read and watch at the same time. BUT with Korean (and Japanese and Chinese) dramas you’ll find mangas that have been made into live action dramas, soap dramas, and BAMF action dramas. Oh course, I can hear you now, trust me. It’s good.

Examples you say? Why of course.

Manga/Anime turned live action drama.


Although not a drama, (in the sense of being broke up into episodes) I’m sure not a lot of people knew that series such as Death Note and NaNa while Hana-Kimi was made into a 13 episode drama.



Mulan was also been remade into live action movies while Jenny, Juno, ( a movie that mirrors Juno EXACTLY plot for plot, but created and published two years before) hit Korean screens successfully.

Sappy Ass Love Stories.


Whew. These are generally the ones that have my life in shambles. When I say they are dramatic…they ARE. Series such as Dream High, where the love triangle between Hye Mi, Song SamDong and, JinGuk will have you flailing…(if you’re a flailer). My Girlfriend is a 9 Tailed Fox, had me skeptical at first, but grab every tissue you own, the last few episodes WILL have you weeping like a babe without his pacifier. Coffee Prince tackles issues such as homosexuality (but not REALLY) and betrayal very well. More for womenfolk than anything.

Crazy ass Action Series.

In Japan, you have Karate. In China, Kung-Fu. In Korea, Tae Kwon Do. In any format, you’re gonna to get your daily dose of martial arts action flicks if you watch any of these dramas. Shows like Athena, Brotherhoods of War, and Dog and Wolf had me jumping around my apartment like I was Michelle Yeoh (but I’m a special type of human so ignore that). The latest and greatest action drama is City Hunter. THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE.


Based VERY loosely off the Japanese manga of the same name, it follows a young man and his father as they get revenge on what seems the WHOLE COUNTRY OF KOREA for what the government did to their familes in the past. All I know is that a whole buncha people getting they asses kicked and their lives ruined.

Simply, if you need variety in your life, and aren’t afraid of a foreign tongue, you’ll be surprised to find entertainment in places you never though to look.