Every woman seriously, without hesitation or boast, believes that she is or at some point in her life desirable to the opposite sex. And I’m not talking just physical looks. If she were to present herself, flaws and all, to her love interest, in today’s society, she’d know he’d at LEAST try to have sex with her. That’s what we consider friend-zone anyway. He will at the very least have sex with me, regardless of any future thoughts of relationships. Mistake.

It is possible for men to want you purely in the friendship aspect. Although RARE, like unicorn and leprechaun rare, it does happen. He has no desire whatsoever to have sex with you, let alone be coupled with you.



It happens and you are left sitting there, frowning at the world, trying to piece together this anomaly of a situation. BUT women don’t actual believe that the conclusion we’ve been handed could be that simple. As stated before, we believe that we are desirable to the opposite sex (even if in some that belief is miniscule, it is still present) for the simple fact that we have a vagina. (Which isn’t all entirely fair to male sex; it reduces them down to sex driven narrow minded pieces of meat sans the ability to make rational decisions without the aid of their penis’s awesomely intelligent judgment.)

So when this happens, what do we do? Mope? Yeah. Muse on the derivatives that could have possibly led us down this hopeless path. Of course. Get angry? YEP, you bet your sweet ass we do. Which leads a lot of us in a deductive state of reasoning that being placed here (in the friend-zone of ALL places) was a mistake, and we have to CORRECT that mistake (because, like I’ve stated, we believe we are ALWAYS desirable to the opposite sex.) We sit back; try to find some clever way of escaping (hookshot hookshot hookshot!!!). What we fail to realize is the friend-zone is a real world parallel to the Water Temple (if you’ve never played Zelda: Ocarina of Time is calling you in breathy whispers).



The possibility of escaping that zone, that realm, that level, is close to “hard as fuck”. Not impossible, but I’m sure you’re going to give up, eject the game, and toss the controller before you actually ACHIEVE your goal. You’d know this as fact if you’ve played this game before.

You start off outside of the friend-zone, which we shall call Lake Hyrule. The water is drained in the lake (probably from his last relationship; that bitch sucked him dry.) So you approach him, like he was a shy Epona, hoping to catch a ride, catch his heart (something to that effect, you’ve got glass jars just in case.) He lets you get close (you’re singing your temptress song of mating with your ocarina -read: your cute outfits, your olfactory pleasing perfume; the subtle way you lean into his hugs, how you laugh at his jokes, the advice you give, the food you offer, the warmth you radiate. All that shit).

And you’re laying that shit on THICK. You even learned how to hold the controller properly in an effort PWN his ass in Call Of Duty.

And the MOMENT you try to hop on his ass, he bucks and throws you into the water. (Stating, he’s not ready for a relationship, he just wants to be pals, he has a lot of thinking to do, he doesn’t want to hurt you, he genuinely enjoys your friendship.)


This is apocalyptic to a woman because…as I’ve stated before…we TRULY believe we are desirable to the opposite sex. This isn’t a riddle; it’s the paradigm of truth. So as we sit, baffled with our chest wide open, trying to explain to your friends what happened….

You: Yeah, girl…he said it. He enjoyed our friendship.

Them: FRIENDSHIP? Like….friends? Wow. That’s…wow. Well…you can at least have sex with him….

You:……..

Them: NO SEX? What the fuck did you do?

You: I don’t know. I did that thing with my hair, and I wore that dress and the perfume you let me borrow. I even complimented his graphic novel collection. I-…I don’t KNOW.

You:


Them:


You want to give up. You want to take off your tunic, throw Navi into a lake of fire, (because as your best friend she should have SEEN this coming! She’s always coming out the side of her neck with advice, but speechless right now. She’s useless.) and stomp home.

But then you remember. You’re LINK. The Hero(ess) of Time. You can fix this. You’re a woman.

You don’t say NO to me.

You turn around, put on your Iron Boots (those slick leather booties you got on sale last winter), throw on your Zora Tunic (just enough cleavage to be inciting, nothing too skank) and march RIGHT into the Water Temple (thinking if I can SOLVE this, I’ll come out on the other side victorious).

WRONG

Not to say that we as women aren’t analytical enough to get out of the Water Temple (because I’ve seen men literally THROW consoles (their sanity) to the ground in an furtive attempt to escape from the Friendship Zone). It’s just that the friendship zone was built for a reason. He wants the RIGHT person to get the water medallion (his heart) and he’d rather have you helping him (Like a Sage of Light) rather than fighting for it yourself (because you’re no Ganon. trust me honey, you’re not.).

There aren’t enough arrows in your bag (late night conversations); your long shot won’t reach his target (stop touching his thigh enticingly like that); you don’t know enough songs on your Ocarina (telling him over and over again how much you guys have in common is just reinforcing the friendship); and your map is leading you in the wrong direction (hit the switch, THEN ride the wave, until you get to the top, not whatever the hell you THINK you’re supposed to do.)

This is literally the walk through to get out of the Water Temple. Apply it to your life. It’s not going to work, is it?

Your hardest enemy in the Water Temple isn’t the boss at the end (Morpha is a sack of shit water enema, and if the walls around his heart are as tough as him and he’s let you in THIS far, you don’t have to worry about being a friend much longer), it’s the simple task of fighting against yourself and your better judgment. When placed in the Water Temple, you’ll have to fight Dark Link (that’s you babe. The ”I’ve just GOT to have him :: Why doesn’t he see we’d be perfect together :: JUST HAVE SEX WITH ME! I can handle a purely physical relationship!-while thinking you can change it into something more-“ you)

This is you. On drugs.

Every move you make, Dark Link knows it and will counter it.

Dark Link is the you that’s literally YELLING “Hey! You can stop. Respect his decision. There are plenty of fishes in the sea. You’ll be okay.” And you’re just trying your DAMNDEST to get around your OWN mind, to get out. You won’t get out.

RARELY (those who have played know) you’ll get around Dark Link without having to use potions and cheat codes (I don’t know…getting him drunk. Not sure what the desperate do to get out of the Water Temple) and you’ll make your way up to the final boss, slay him and win a spot on his arm. (The Water Medallion was cool.)

BUT, more than likely, you’ll be needing to head the opposite direction OUT of the Water Temple, go back across Hyrule Field, back into Kokiri forest and lick your wounds. (Your friend Saria has a shitload of chick flicks and a cute brother named Mido who grew up to be FIONE, girl.) Just learn your lesson. Although it’s a shock and probably one of the most depressing things you’ll go through as a woman (Shit takes a hold of you like nothing else, man), you’ll know by the time you walk back out into the sunshine and in time greet him like an old friend (because he really IS a cool person) that it isn’t all THAT bad, just extremely embarrassing at first. (Because what are you supposed to do? Hug him? Hi-five him? Shoot finger guns and wink?)

My intro into this piece? Girls can kick ass too. There isn’t anything much to be said. I COULD wax poetic about how anime is a male driven world blah blah blah, but there are too many women in the Anime world that are out there whooping ass and not taking names because they don’t give a damn. AND you can find these females outside of the Shoujo world (although some in there HAVE to be mentioned because they were darker/powerful than the series gave them credit for-had enough time to expound on-too complex to drabble about.

Tomoe Hotaru ( Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon)


Quiet girls can be deadly. Hotaru was a young girl, daughter Souichi, a scientist who through his experiments ends up killing his wife and critically injuring his daughter. Through a deal with the devil (read Pharaoh 90) he saves her life, although forfeiting the good left in him. Now let’s talk about why Hotaru is a badass. First she carries around a weapon. The other sensei have “weapons” too, but she carried a 9 foot long staff with a Glaive at the end. She uses this to perform one of the DEADLIEST attacks in the entire Sailor Moon universe. Silence Glaive Surprise. Kills everybody. It can DESTROY A PLANET. Second…wait. We don’t need any more reasons.

Lina Inverse (Slayers)


She pretty damn fearless. She’s known to take on sorcerers’ and demons, monsters and wizards. I don’t think she cares as long as she wins. After watching, the only thing I believe Lina to be afraid of, is her older sister. I mean, she has nicknames like Bandit Killer, The Enemy of All Who Lived. What kinda badass nickname is that? She is easily one of the most powerful sorceresses in her country and has one of the highest magical capacities in the Slayers universe. Go head girl.

Saber – Arturia Pendragon- (Fate/Stay Night)


Again, with the quiet reserved girls. You know how they say a quiet girl is a freak in the bedroom. Well quiet girls like Saber, are a freak with magic. Under the tutelage of Merlin, she is known as the welder of The Element of the Red Dragon, which grants her powers above normal magic users. When her abnormal amount of magic eats away at her energy, she’ll use Excalibur (yeah, she owns, welds, and kicks ASS with Excalibur). Even in her death she manages to be fully in command of her powers and duties, making sure she would still be allowed to obtain the Holy Grail. Even. In. Death.

Revy (Black Lagoon)


There is always one person you run across that generally doesn’t give a damn about human life. As we jump out of the Shojo world and into Revy’s Black Lagoon universe, we see that she is that person. She’s practically been a murder all her life, and now as an adult she is a pirate/mercenary for hire. She has a foul mouth and an even fouler temper. She kills at will and generally will do so without caring about the consequences. Not much is known about her past, but in every episode of Black Lagoon, look for Revy to be the main one busting caps in asses.

Chi Chi (Dragon Ball)


Being the mother of one of the strongest men in the universe, and the mother of two children that take after their father in strength, you have to guess that Chi Chi would just sit back and let the men in her life take care of her? Wrong. Chi Chi is considered one of the strongest women in her world, and can definitely hold her own. Outside of her prowess as a fighter, she has one of THE meanest anger fit in the world. She can actually power up in anger. I’ve seen it.

Temari (Naruto)


I liked Temari from jump. Why? Because she was the first strong female character that didn’t really give a damn about anything but her family and her goals. She was raised in a land where training and strength was everything (like the Blood Mist but NOT like the Blood Mist if you get me.) She was the daughter of a Jinchūriki and the Kazekage. Everything about Temari’s profile exudes strength and she meets the expectations every time. She was THIS close to beating Shikamaru in the Chūnin exams (who we know is just a badass in his own right. I can’t…), is strong enough to carry around a HUGE iron can that she welds as if it were made of paper, and she’s bright and analytic…(Like Shikamaru which is why they are going to get married. I called it.) Although many other strong female characters will show their faces in Naruto, Temari did it without hesitation from her first introduction.

Kuchiki Rukia (Bleach)


Powerful things come in small packages. That is especially true for the diminutive Shinigami, Kuchiki Rukia. Let me list off Rukia’s awesome points. 1.) She is the sole reason that Ichigo became a Shinigami (removing the Aizen manipulation factor. Because she still didn’t have to do what she did, despite of.) 2. She did it knowing that it was a crime punishable by death. 3. She was strong enough spiritually to hold the Hōgyoku inside of her body. 4. Even in Gigai form she is able to take Ichigo down with one kick to the face. 5. Her Zanpaktou, Sode no Shirayuki, is easily one of the coldest around, her shikai is three levels of kickass (ESPECIALLY Tsugi No Mai, Hachure. I get SO EXCITED when I see her piercing the ground.) 6. She’s a female Lieutenant. 7. She took on an Arrancar. BY. HER. SELF. One that looked like her long lost crushlove. 8. Having to deal with her older brother’s sense of where she should be as a Shinigami must take a lot of dexterity. 9. And AGAIN she is the one that restores Shinigami powers back to Ichigo (with help but still…) and 10. She’s Rukia.

Uzimaki Kushina (Naruto)


You don’t a lot of women that walk into class on their first day and declare that they will be the first female Hokage. Kushina did, and I believe she meant it. And being the only female Jinchūriki that we learn about intimately (other than Gaara’s mother) we instantly admire her strength as a human. Kushina’s true strength comes from her being a mother (very much like Gaara’s Mother). Through a painful and frightening childbirth, Kushina managed to keep the seal for the Kyuubi intact for the most part. Even after the extraction of the Kyuubi, Kushina drew the strength to use her chakra to hold off the released (which she knew would kill her) and then she volunteered to take the Nine Tails to death with her. THEN she bodily protected her child (along with her husband Minato), saving his life before dying.

Tsukino Usagi (Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon)

Right before she dies…again

Sailor Moon is as about cutesy as you can get (if you ignore the damn near pornographic images Takeuchi Naoko like to throw in there every so often) But behind Usagi’s clumsiness and love of food, stood a woman who repeatedly sacrificed her life for the good of the world. I’m not kidding, Usagi almost died like in every season (6 times to be exact). But she took down the bad guy with her every single time. She continually sacrificed her life, usually at the end because that’s how these Shoujo series go, by using the Ginzuishou at full power. She even stops a meteor from causing all kinds of apocalyptic mayhem on earth in the movie, using the Power of the Ginzuishou to the point that it shatters. The strength in Usagi lies in love, of course, but her power of reincarnation. Her final incarnation is Sailor Cosmos who is in charge of the ENTIRE universe. Go Bunny!

Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck (Bleach)

I have this up in my house o.o

I have an ungodly obsession with the Espada. It was the most creative thing Tite did, and I thank AnimeBasedGods every day for the arc. The most interesting of the Arrancar (outside of Ulquiorra’s reign of fucking awesomeness) was the story of the first female Espada. Ranking at three was pretty high up there, which automatically meant she was supremely powerful. So powerful that one a regular basis, she’d take Norita to the desert just to kick off in his ass. Even when she was reverted back to her childlike state, she managed to out power those around here, eating Dordoni’s cero like it was candy and spitting it back at him. After being challenged by Nnoitra again, she temporarily reverts back to her normal form as an adult and then again kicks off in Nnoitra’s ass. Ninja like mid air spin attacks, a Cero Doble, and then she hits him with her Ressurecion form. For a woman turned child wandering the desert for how long, there is no telling how strong she’d be in she continued to train.