I’m Just Saying: KHip-Hop

Music Driveby!

At no point am I trying to convert you. I listen to different music, I watch different things, I am a different person. Cool gravy.

But I thought I’d introduce some of my favorite Hip Hop songs that didn’t have swagger footprints of the United States, English speaking variety. And I promise you, you’ll enjoy it. Well I can’t promise you that, BUT even if you don’t enjoy it, nor understand it, you gotta admit….if you DID understand it, it’d probably be good music…..

I’m just saying. [DJ Khaleed] LISTEN. [/DJ Khaleed]

This is my shit. Bolded and EVERYTHING.
Dok2 & Double K – 시간이 됐어 / Die Legend 3 [M/V]


This feels like it was filmed right down someone’s street…
Drunken Tiger – 편의점 Convenience Store (feat. Gemini)


IN ENGLISH and Dope.
Sun Zoo (Tiger JK, Yoon Mirae, Roscoe Umali & Illmind) – “Get Down.”


That is all.

How To: Survive The Zombie Apocalypse

How To: Survive the Zombie Apocalypse


After really getting into AMC’s Sunday night hit “The Walking Dead”, I usually read up on other peoples opinions via Twitter as it takes place to see where I fit in vs other viewers take on situations as they occur in the hr long thriller. To my amazement, there’s really a lot of people who feel an overbearing sense of compassion. Weird. Or maybe, I’M the weirdo. I doubt it.

In a world full of Zombies, I don’t see the benefits of chasing after people when it could be potentially dangerous for the rest of the team. With the way some of you think, I can see how you wouldn’t make it very long. That sorta gave me the push I needed to finally coming around to write this guide. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. What makes ME, a simple clothing designer/blogger qualified to write a survival guide? Well, my qualifications are quite extensive. Ranging from hours of Resident Evil gameplay to careful analysis of movies such as Zombie Land. I mean really, who could possibly be a better choice for this? (Don’t answer that.) Now that we’ve cleared that up, lets set the scene:



You wake up. Drool all over your pillow, cold in your eyes and morning breath that could melt plastic. Time to slither out of your bed and reach for the scope, right? Wrong. Do me a favor and take a quick gander at the window behind you. See that? Yeah, holy shit. You. Are. Fucked. What do you do now??? Panic? Cry for your momma? (Don’t cry for your momma, by now she’s probably a zombie momma and there’s a good chance you’ll have to place a pencil clean through her temple at some point. Shit’s real out here now, b.)

1. Pack & Go:
You aren’t gathering supplies for a family get away, we’re talking survival folks. Pack light. Snacks, couple water bottles, 3 Tees (Preferably Toy Sldrs. Dope plug right?), Boots and extra underwear. Yes, underwear. Scratching your nuts because you got crabs from wearing dirty drawers for a week CAN and WILL get you killed out here. That goes for you too ladies. Being distracted by an itchy crotch can be the difference between noticing that zombie sneaking up on you or mindlessly thriller dancing through these streets.

2. ammuniT.I.on:
You’ll need guns & ammo. Unless you’re friends with T.I., your best bet is to hit any nearby police station as quickly as possible. If you live in the hood, local drug dealer works too. However before you even make it there you need a weapon to at least keep you covered. Quickest weapon you can possibly make is a spear. Broom/Mop stick + Biggest Knife you own + Duct Tape. The last thing you want is a hand to hand fight with a zombie who’s only goal is to scrape/cut/bite you. This will keep them at a distance (hopefully.) At least until you get a better weapon. Shovels work too.

3. Real G’s & Lasagna:
It should go without saying but, move quietly. The less attention you bring to yourself the better off you’ll be. This is why weapons like Spears, Knives, possibly Crossbows (I’m reaching here) are great since they can be reused as many times as needed. Especially in situations where you live in the Projects and have to make your way passed a hallway full of upset Baby Momma’s and their Fifty-leven zombie babies.

4. The Hideout:
I love New York, but the minute the Zombie Apocalypse hits, I’m getting the fuck outta here. The last thing you need is to be stuck in a major city with tons of people who may be potential zombies. Avoid large herds. A small town with lots of open land is your best bet. Have safe routes. Now you may not have Kevin McCallister’s talent for making traps, but digging a few deep holes around the area will at least slow them down. Save you some ammo too. Don’t forget to stock your new hideout with any food you can find.

5. A-Team:
So far so good. You got some clothes, weapons, food, and even somewhere to stay. Now you just need a team. Not everyone is about that Rambo life, and frankly with nothing else to do all day but survive and kill, you’ll need the company. Team up with any survivors you find along the way. That don’t have kids. Yes kids are cute and funny and awesome to watch grow up into well mannered adults. UH, WAKE UP NIGGA! The world has gone to shit. Kids are now useless. You don’t have time to help people and their booger nose filled kids. Lord help you if one of them gets lost and wants everyone to go search for them. Nuh uhh. Save yourself the trouble.

Don’t get it twisted though, your team is supposed to be more than just having people around to keep you sane. A helping hand is always useful. You need rational human beings that know in the new found Zombie World you might have to leave a kid behind for the sake of the squad. Shit happens. You happened to find lil’ timmy and he somehow wandered off from the team in the middle of the night? Guess who’s NOT going after him? *points to self* This guy. Or how about that one member with the bad knee slowing everyone down? You and your bad knee are getting left behind. It happens. How about that one person who just doesn’t seem to be pulling their weight most of the time? Wellllllll….

Hey, you get my point.

Follow these steps and I can guarantee you won’t die…………right away. Good luck!

The Water Temple Redux: The Friend Zone

Every woman seriously, without hesitation or boast, believes that she is or at some point in her life desirable to the opposite sex. And I’m not talking just physical looks. If she were to present herself, flaws and all, to her love interest, in today’s society, she’d know he’d at LEAST try to have sex with her. That’s what we consider friend-zone anyway. He will at the very least have sex with me, regardless of any future thoughts of relationships. Mistake.

It is possible for men to want you purely in the friendship aspect. Although RARE, like unicorn and leprechaun rare, it does happen. He has no desire whatsoever to have sex with you, let alone be coupled with you.



It happens and you are left sitting there, frowning at the world, trying to piece together this anomaly of a situation. BUT women don’t actual believe that the conclusion we’ve been handed could be that simple. As stated before, we believe that we are desirable to the opposite sex (even if in some that belief is miniscule, it is still present) for the simple fact that we have a vagina. (Which isn’t all entirely fair to male sex; it reduces them down to sex driven narrow minded pieces of meat sans the ability to make rational decisions without the aid of their penis’s awesomely intelligent judgment.)

So when this happens, what do we do? Mope? Yeah. Muse on the derivatives that could have possibly led us down this hopeless path. Of course. Get angry? YEP, you bet your sweet ass we do. Which leads a lot of us in a deductive state of reasoning that being placed here (in the friend-zone of ALL places) was a mistake, and we have to CORRECT that mistake (because, like I’ve stated, we believe we are ALWAYS desirable to the opposite sex.) We sit back; try to find some clever way of escaping (hookshot hookshot hookshot!!!). What we fail to realize is the friend-zone is a real world parallel to the Water Temple (if you’ve never played Zelda: Ocarina of Time is calling you in breathy whispers).



The possibility of escaping that zone, that realm, that level, is close to “hard as fuck”. Not impossible, but I’m sure you’re going to give up, eject the game, and toss the controller before you actually ACHIEVE your goal. You’d know this as fact if you’ve played this game before.

You start off outside of the friend-zone, which we shall call Lake Hyrule. The water is drained in the lake (probably from his last relationship; that bitch sucked him dry.) So you approach him, like he was a shy Epona, hoping to catch a ride, catch his heart (something to that effect, you’ve got glass jars just in case.) He lets you get close (you’re singing your temptress song of mating with your ocarina -read: your cute outfits, your olfactory pleasing perfume; the subtle way you lean into his hugs, how you laugh at his jokes, the advice you give, the food you offer, the warmth you radiate. All that shit).

And you’re laying that shit on THICK. You even learned how to hold the controller properly in an effort PWN his ass in Call Of Duty.

And the MOMENT you try to hop on his ass, he bucks and throws you into the water. (Stating, he’s not ready for a relationship, he just wants to be pals, he has a lot of thinking to do, he doesn’t want to hurt you, he genuinely enjoys your friendship.)


This is apocalyptic to a woman because…as I’ve stated before…we TRULY believe we are desirable to the opposite sex. This isn’t a riddle; it’s the paradigm of truth. So as we sit, baffled with our chest wide open, trying to explain to your friends what happened….

You: Yeah, girl…he said it. He enjoyed our friendship.

Them: FRIENDSHIP? Like….friends? Wow. That’s…wow. Well…you can at least have sex with him….

You:……..

Them: NO SEX? What the fuck did you do?

You: I don’t know. I did that thing with my hair, and I wore that dress and the perfume you let me borrow. I even complimented his graphic novel collection. I-…I don’t KNOW.

You:


Them:


You want to give up. You want to take off your tunic, throw Navi into a lake of fire, (because as your best friend she should have SEEN this coming! She’s always coming out the side of her neck with advice, but speechless right now. She’s useless.) and stomp home.

But then you remember. You’re LINK. The Hero(ess) of Time. You can fix this. You’re a woman.

You don’t say NO to me.


You turn around, put on your Iron Boots (those slick leather booties you got on sale last winter), throw on your Zora Tunic (just enough cleavage to be inciting, nothing too skank) and march RIGHT into the Water Temple (thinking if I can SOLVE this, I’ll come out on the other side victorious).

WRONG


Not to say that we as women aren’t analytical enough to get out of the Water Temple (because I’ve seen men literally THROW consoles (their sanity) to the ground in an furtive attempt to escape from the Friendship Zone). It’s just that the friendship zone was built for a reason. He wants the RIGHT person to get the water medallion (his heart) and he’d rather have you helping him (Like a Sage of Light) rather than fighting for it yourself (because you’re no Ganon. trust me honey, you’re not.).

There aren’t enough arrows in your bag (late night conversations); your long shot won’t reach his target (stop touching his thigh enticingly like that); you don’t know enough songs on your Ocarina (telling him over and over again how much you guys have in common is just reinforcing the friendship); and your map is leading you in the wrong direction (hit the switch, THEN ride the wave, until you get to the top, not whatever the hell you THINK you’re supposed to do.)

This is literally the walk through to get out of the Water Temple. Apply it to your life. It’s not going to work, is it?


Your hardest enemy in the Water Temple isn’t the boss at the end (Morpha is a sack of shit water enema, and if the walls around his heart are as tough as him and he’s let you in THIS far, you don’t have to worry about being a friend much longer), it’s the simple task of fighting against yourself and your better judgment. When placed in the Water Temple, you’ll have to fight Dark Link (that’s you babe. The ”I’ve just GOT to have him :: Why doesn’t he see we’d be perfect together :: JUST HAVE SEX WITH ME! I can handle a purely physical relationship!-while thinking you can change it into something more-“ you)

This is you. On drugs.

Every move you make, Dark Link knows it and will counter it.



Dark Link is the you that’s literally YELLING “Hey! You can stop. Respect his decision. There are plenty of fishes in the sea. You’ll be okay.” And you’re just trying your DAMNDEST to get around your OWN mind, to get out. You won’t get out.

RARELY (those who have played know) you’ll get around Dark Link without having to use potions and cheat codes (I don’t know…getting him drunk. Not sure what the desperate do to get out of the Water Temple) and you’ll make your way up to the final boss, slay him and win a spot on his arm. (The Water Medallion was cool.)

BUT, more than likely, you’ll be needing to head the opposite direction OUT of the Water Temple, go back across Hyrule Field, back into Kokiri forest and lick your wounds. (Your friend Saria has a shitload of chick flicks and a cute brother named Mido who grew up to be FIONE, girl.) Just learn your lesson. Although it’s a shock and probably one of the most depressing things you’ll go through as a woman (Shit takes a hold of you like nothing else, man), you’ll know by the time you walk back out into the sunshine and in time greet him like an old friend (because he really IS a cool person) that it isn’t all THAT bad, just extremely embarrassing at first. (Because what are you supposed to do? Hug him? Hi-five him? Shoot finger guns and wink?)

Stay In Yo Lane

The world of movie making is a perilous one. To make a movie that will attract audiences, appeal to the masses and actually sell seats is a hard thing to do. Coming up with a brilliant original idea to commandeer all of this into box office success is also a daunting task. We can tell how pithy the search for originality and freshness is due to the influx of book to film adaptations.

Which is a canny idea, and it works. The proof is in the pudding with the book to film adaptations such as the Lord of The Rings (an sequel of The Hobbit), Twilight and the Harry Potter adaptations. They were successful and as well wildly popular, gaining a following that rivaled the popularity of the books.


But.

There is always a but.

You (and by you we mean Hollywood) are going to have to find a way, and I don’t really care WHAT you find yourself having to do, to leave anime and game adaptations out of this equation. And since it is very unladylike to curse (who am I kidding in the first place), I’ll just speak from the perspective of a extreme anime/gamer fan.

In the vast (I’m being sarcastic) arena of anime/game to film adaptations, few have been anywhere close to hitting the mark nor quenching the thirst of avid fans of both genres with a live action version of their favorite shows. Super Mario Bros The Movie…a wash. Slightly entertaining but as dedicated to the actual plot of The Super Mario Brother’s World as Kim Kardashian is to matrimony.

Luigi and Daisy got together….and Mario dated a prostitute(?) Yoshi was enslaved all of his life, and Toadstool’s name was Toad and he was a douche. Princess Peach? In this movie? Yeah right.

So am I the only one who wakes up to this in the morning, or walks up to random strangers and tell them to “Test Their Might?” No? Just Me. Oh.


Mortal Kombat came as close to plausible as any game/anime adaption while Street Fighter and all the subsequent films related to the film adaptations actually hurt to watch. Like – wince inducing, Jesus is that the dude from Black Eye Peas?, my stomach cramping up, what FUCK am I watching??- pain.





The most monumentos of all failures to date, in my personal opinion, is the total mockery of Dragon Ballz that was created in some distorted reality that my brain has refused to accept as anything other than fanciful imaginary rubbish. As I read people’s reactions in the movies (people PAID to see this bullshit), I’d go
This movie can’t be THAT bad”. But it was, Dear God, it was.

What in the holy fu…ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? *flips table* WTF IS THIS?


This is the most insipid adaptation to date. I’m not exactly sure WHAT James Wong was thinking, but this was such an childlike altered variation fuckfest of what DBZ actually was that I didn’t know what to do with myself. And you can’t convince me to accept a Caucasian Goku, an African American Goku, and Indian Goku…an ANYTHING but Asian Goku. I don’t care if he was an alien and doesn’t have a “race”, I don’t care if Goku lives in an imaginary world and can be whatever race the director picks, I don’t care. He doesn’t even have to BE from an actual Asian country. But his ass better LOOK Asian. Hell. I just re-watched the trailer for kicks and now I wanna kick my own ass.



(if I had to watch it, so do you!)

I thought it may be over. Thinking they learned a lesson from the 9 WHOLE million dollars they made in the U.S. from this film. But No. The lesson was lost because THIS is actually being made….

All Hail


…With Caucasians as the stars. Like the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA isn’t occupied by people of Asian decent.

It’s like, taking a movie made in the middle of Africa and employing Australians to play the characters. Or a Colonial American movie with an African as the Commander in Chief. Why can’t we put Asian actors into the films? I don’t get it. And before you go “Hey Jade, they “LOOK” white. His name is Shotaro Kaneda. What part of the white person name game is that?

All I know is, they are trying to make Akira not make the diehard fans riot and are putting a good effort into it. Plenty of noteworthy directors and actors have thrown their hands into the classic. So it might be decent. But I DID hear they tried to put the Twilight girl Kristen Stewart in there. That girl doesn’t even move her face for 3 whole movies. *blink* Sure. Whatever.

But even if Akira is good, can’t we just LEAVE ANIME/GAME TO FILM ADAPTIONS ALONE?